Dear Citizen — by guestblogger Danny Lemieux
from: www.Bookwormroom.com on Jul 28
2009
From the Office of United States Department of Health, Welfare and Human Life
Services
September 22, 2021
[Social Security #]
[Address – 1]
[Address – 2]
[City][State][Zip]
Dear Citizen [Social Security #]:
Peace be upon you.
Our actuarial records indicate that you have achieved a life expectancy of
[years] beyond the average life expectancy of your fellow citizens. Your
longevity serves as a testament to the generosity of your government’s wise
investments in health care made during this Administration. Now it is time to
give back.
From this point onwards, our computer models indicate that your demands upon the
resources of your government and fellow citizens are projected to increase
rapidly as you approach the final chapter of your natural life. It is also
necessary to acknowledge that you ceased becoming a net contributor to society
upon reaching your mandated age of retirement of 79 years.
Today, our nation faces an unprecedented crisis as your fellow citizens still
fail to meet their economic obligations to an economy and health care system
severely damaged through the selfish actions of the previous Bush
Administration. Our records indicate that your demands upon the government and
your fellow citizens now exceed your net cumulative contributions to society.
Under the recent Balanced Budget Act of 2021 approved by your constitutionally
appointed Democrat Peoples Party congressional representatives, your medical and
government pension benefits will henceforth be reduced progressively in order to
better address your continued obligations to our most victimized citizens.
You will soon receive a prescheduled obligatory visit by your appointed ACORN
representative to discuss the various options whereby you can make one more very
generous contribution to your fellow citizens of the world. You are encouraged
to carefully consider these options before making the choice that you feel will
best accommodate your societal obligations. We understand and sympathize that
this will not be an easy decision to make.
To help encourage you to make the right decision, we are pleased to inform you
that, in his benevolence, our Guide and Leader, President Barack Hussein Obama,
has signed an Executive Order that authorizes the Government of the United
States to extend to you a Special, Time-Limited Offer. Should you opt to
volunteer for dignified termination, your Government will recognize your
generous contribution to your fellow citizens and the global environment with
the following Five-Point Plan:
1. You can enjoy a deeply discounted, tax-free stay for a 30-day period at a
government hospice resort located within your state of residence. You shall also
be given access to an unlimited supply of Government-inspected drugs of choice
to help you transition to termination in comfort.
2. Your immediate family beneficiaries shall be exempted from any and all
liabilities for outstanding Lifestyle & Environmental Fairness Taxes due by you
to the governments of the United States and the United Nations (limit: two
beneficiaries).
3. Each of your immediate family beneficiaries shall receive a one-time,
tax-free gift of $40,000 in the form of tradable Gore-Issue carbon credits, in
recognition of your final and personal sacrifice in the war against CO2-driven
climate change (limit: two beneficiaries).
4. Your designated beneficiaries shall receive a 2.5% tax-free commission on all
sales of your organs, tissues or body parts, following termination.
5. Your immediate family beneficiaries shall also receive:
a. A personally signed letter of recognition from our benevolent Guide and
Leader President Barack Hussein Obama, for your selfless decision and status as
an Esteemed Citizen of the World (unlimited direct family beneficiaries)
b. An iPod collection of our Guide and Leader’s speeches that begins with the
voice of our Guide and Leader saying “Michelle and I wish to personally thank
you, Citizen [social security #], for your personal contributions to my
administration, our nation and the global community.”
Citizen [Social Security #], time is urgent. As your wise Latina administrator
and benefactor, I urge you to quickly skim and approve the contractual terms of
this proposal, as this offer is subject to change after 21 days. Please direct
any questions to your locally appointed ACORN representative during your
scheduled visitation. Should you make the unselfish and socially responsible
decision to accept our offer, your ACORN representative shall have available all
necessary legal documents together with exciting color brochures explaining the
personalized benefits and privileges provided by the many state hospice resorts
located near to you.
Sincerely yours,
Esperanza De Color
Czarina - Citizen and Environmental Relations
Dept. of Health, Welfare & Human Life Services