Alert Level

Warning Alert Security: Discovery of explosives in cargo originating from Yemen prompts terror warnings in US Oct. 29. Expect heightened airport security; flight disruptions possible. Summary President Barack Obama and US government officials have described the discovery of two suspicious packages containing explosives in US-bound cargo as a "credible" terror threat. Packages containing what appear to be crude bombs addressed to Chicago-based Jewish organizations were discovered in Dubai and East Midlands Airport (EMA) in the UK Oct. 29. Authorities have revealed that PETN was the explosive substance, suggesting involvement of Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP). The President was alerted about the potential threat late Oct. 28 after an apparent tip from Saudi intelligence sources. Authorities believe that more packages originating from Yemen may be in circulation, which could lead to additional security scares over the next few days. The Federal Bureau of Investigation has warned religious institutions to monitor incoming packages closely, particularly those originating from overseas. As of late Oct. 29, the Director of Homeland Security has placed the following temporary restrictions on passengers for the safety of the traveling public.

All identifiably ethic "white people" must travel naked to prevent the concealment of weapons or explosives on their persons. They also may not carry on or check any baggage or object of any kind. DHS regrets any minor inconvenience this may cause, but reminds the public that this is a temporary measure only and will be lifted as soon as the threat situation has been resolved.

Some white people will be randomly selected before boarding for body cavity searches to ensure that they are not smuggling dangerous objects aboard the aircraft. Noncompliance with this search will result in denial of boarding.

That is all. Be alert for further instructions from Dear Leader.