06/13/10
We Apologize, U.K.
| Most of us in the U.S. just found out about that World Cup game
this morning in the news, since we don't really follow soccer and
don't watch the games on the telly. We know how you go absolutely
bonkers for the game and must have been heartbroken not to
have been able to beat the U.S. team. I honestly thought the only
people in the U.S. who played soccer were little girls and illegal
aliens. If you look it up, soccer is played only in socialist countries and Latin American dictatorships. In the U.S. soccer is played only on Saturday mornings by suburban liberal children under the strict control of league officials (parents with a penchant for dictatorship). In cold socialist countries where it is too cold to play soccer, they play hockey, eh? Da! We would really like to make this up to you and help you to regain your standing in the soccer world, so here's the deal: if we meet again in a finals game, the U.S. will throw the game. Yeah, we'll kiss the canvas and guarantee that U.K. wins. There's just one little favor we'd like to ask in return... Remember back in 1814 when you guys burned down the White House and drove the president out of Washington?...
|