03/03/10

The President's Physical Exam

Well, you've heard by now that the president had a physical exam recently and he's apparently fairly healthy, although the doctor delivered the usual doctor-nags about lowering his cholesterol, quitting his smoking and moderating his alcohol intake. The Big 0 took this with a grain of salt, because: 1. he doesn't have a blood-pressure issue, and 2. he knows that doctors take this hypocritic oath where they have to tell people that kind of stuff to get their payoff from the health mob.

On the way home from the physical, Barry stopped off for a bacon cheeseburger and a couple of brewskis and bought a fresh pack of Camels to replace the one he burned through since breakfast. He also crumpled page 3 of the blood test into an ashtray and burned it. That was the page listing "other substances" found in his blood tests. Nice to have a discreet Navy doctor who could be assigned as a "corpseman" in Afghanistan if he ever opened his mouth.

When he got back to the White House, Barry found that he had a new email from his penpal "EnemyoftheState". His buddy congratulated him on his physical exam results and advised him to ignore the doctor's advice. Barry thought EnemyoftheState was even smarter than Joe Biden. The doctor had told Barry to take it easy on his bad knee, and EnemyoftheState recommended a substitute sport for the B-Ball that Barry loved. It was called BASE Jumping and you could do it anywhere you could find a Building Antenna Span or Earth cliff high enough for your parachute to open.

He also advised that running with scissors brought about an intense natural high and that all the old cautions against it were just a right-wing conspiracy to deny the pleasure to the intelligentsia like Barry and Al Gore.

EnemyoftheState ended his email by mentioning a couple of places in Southeast D.C. where Barry could stroll after midnight and make connections to find nose candy and other things that he might be interested in. "Helluva guy" thought Barry, as he re-read the email and made plans for that night.