As the busy Thanksgiving travel season kicks into high gear for the airlines, TSA Molestor Director John Pistole spoke briefly today to reporters. He praised the efforts of his 67,000 dedicated rent-a-cops thugs hardworking agents as they flash X-rayed pornographic images of air travelers, poked the genitals of screaming children, and dislodged catheters and ostomy bags from handicapped persons.

Only two fatalities were reported today from pacemaker/defibrillator devices that malfunctioned after being X-rayed; a small price to pay to keep air travel safe. No hidden explosives were found at any of the 450 airports protected by the TSA, but we remain ever vigilant. We did seize several 4 ounce bottles of shampoo.

I'm sorry, this flight has been cancelled. We can't afford to fly the only two people who made it through security before take-off time.

Fight Back:

1. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 is NATIONAL OPT-OUT DAY!

2. opt out of the scanners - We Won’t Fly